Fucking mother fucker!/These are my confessions

Today's' post for Sunday Scribblings is scandalous. No juicy gossip here. Or scandal. Have I caused a commotion in my life? Probably. I tend to not remember stuff like that.

Today's my favorite holiday and I can't even celebrate it. Why? Because my mother is coming. Elvira, my all time favorite mistress of the dark, is coming to Philadelphia today for halloween. I was going to go with a friend because her boyfriend use to work at eastern state penitentiary and we would have gotten in for free. Key words use to. He got fired from his temp job. How you get fired from a halloween temp job is beyond me. Then my friend found this rave in Ohio and we were going to drive to Ohio, go to the rave, then come back. I know, I know. Ohio is an 8 hr drive from Philly and of course "why would you drive to Ohio for a rave?" Believe me when I say I got the looks, the questions, and the shaking of the head when I mention this idea. But I say why not! I never been to a rave and this is the first time I actually was going out of my way to celebrate my favorite holiday. I was planning for this all month! Now my mothers coming for a breast cancer convention on saturday. There having a breast cancer convention on day of the dead. Does anyone else find a little humor in this or is it just me? I find this quit amusing... and I'm not sure why. Probably because it's day of the dead and people die from breast cancer. Lol! Must be my sick sense of humor. Still haven't registered for next semester and my voters card is still not here. So of course I probably won't be able to vote on tuesday. I'm so glad this will be over because I am so tired of this political propaganda crap. I swear, if I see one more Obama this and McCain that, I'm going to scream. Pick a fucking president all ready so we can all move on with life! I'm fucked, money wise, either way. It's just a matter of what president is going to fuck me harder, Obama or McCain. Haha! No pun intended. ;-)

So I say arrivederci to my favorite holiday, until next time. Oh and there will be a next time. I will have my party time next Halloween and all parental units will stay home! But until then Happy Halloween and have a safe night. :-P

*12:00 am- my mom arrives.
By 1:00, I'm crying my eyes out. She's mad at me. For not telling her to eat something before she left the house; because I don't have any food in the house. Though I offered to walk the 5 blocks to wawa in the cold (in a hoodie because I don't have a winter coat) and spend money I don't have to buy her and my sister something to eat. She still said no. She's mad at me because the blanket that I have is really a throw. Something for spring and summer weather and not for fall and winter. She's mad because I didn't prepare her or tell her what to expect when she gets to my house. I didn't know I had to. I didn't know I had to tell you to eat something before you left. Though you knew I didn't have any money and you yourself told me to eat at work. Which I do. They let me take home leftovers every sunday and I make that last till the next sunday. I didn't know I had to tell you that I don't have a blanket. Though you didn't even want me to take that when I was moving to philadelphia. If I didn't bring that I would be worst off; because the heat acts funny and won't come on at night, but will come on at 9 am when we really don't need it at that time. You knew that I didn't have a lot and most of the stuff that I have was either given to me or I went trash diving. I know your sick and that because of the radiation you can't remember everything. But when I talk to you just about every other day and the fact that you told me to get a second job to help pay my rent, I would think that would let you know I don't have a lot. You know the majority of my stuff is still in storage. So what did you expect? You knew I didn't have a bed. And the bed that I'm sleeping on is really my roommates futon. What did you expect from me? I try my best with the things I have and it's still not enough. I'm tired of crying because I'm not like you. I'm giving you what I have and it's still not enough. You come here without any money, like I have money to give you. Well, I don't. I wear the same jeans everyday because I can't afford to buy a new pair and all my other ones have holes in them that I sew repeatedly but still they rip. I haven't washed my clothes in almost a month because I don't have the money to and I'm running out of soap and deodorant. I had to spend the money I don't have to buy me a new pair of sneakers because the other ones I had had a big hole in the bottom. I go hungry to save money to pay for rent and supplies for school. I don't have the fabric lining for the coat I have to turn in on thursday because I don't have the money. I don't have the spandex that I'm suppose to buy for my swimwear because I don't have the money. I don't even have all the money for rent, which is due tomorrow. I still owe my landlord $260, which I don't have. I don't have money to pay for school and I'm still not registered for next semester. I'm so tired of crying. As I'm typing this, I'm crying. I don't know what else to do. Those thoughts are coming back more frequently now. The ones about me killing myself. I'm not listening but sometimes I wonder. Sometimes I think it would be easier. To just do it and get it over and done with. Maybe if I kill myself, my mother won't have to worry about me being such a disappointment.

Reevaluating my life is something I see in my future. I guess its back to Girlosophy. And this time I should finish.